Growth,  Health,  Inspiration,  Mindfulness

Love Is Meant to Be Simple

Simple doesn’t mean problem-free, but neither it is complicated.

Do you know what’s the difference between simple and complicated love?

Well, complicated love is the kind of love that makes you constantly ponder on, analyze and worry about your relationship — giving you a sense of anxiety and stress as you just think about it, instead of peace. 

It makes you play out the situations, memories, conversations, emotions, and thoughts back, in a continual motion, analyzing them over and over again, trying to make sense out of it because it feels so too much and so overwhelming to comprehend. 

That, ladies and gentlemen, is a complicated love. And it’s a complicated love because it’s everything but simple.

We all look for peace in life, even in love and relationships. And peace comes through easiness and simplicity of things. Not complexity.

It is a typical kind of love that represents unhealthy and unbalanced bonds or dysfunctional relationships. That’s because such love cannot be healthy. Having to be in a constant state of alarm, fear, worry, and insecurity about your partnership can only cause your heart, mental and physical health damage, rather than any good.

The more profound, long-term, and serious such love and relationship, the longer and more devastating the terror.

Simple love, on another hand, is everything but complicated.

It doesn’t give you mind bugs like the complicated love does, even if you’re head to toes absorbed in issues of some sort. It feels good — easy, peaceful, and comforting, even when you as a person are not feeling at your best. And the reason why it feels so good is that you can be absolutely clear about it.

You can rely on what it is, what it does and means to you as well as what to expect from it. As that’s stable, solid and completely transparent. It doesn’t change. The simple love gives you hope, energy, motivation and inspiration when you most need it, even if you don’t feel hopeful, inspired or motivated yourself.

Even if everything in your life feels to be upside down, you can count on this love to be there — being what it is. That’s what the simple love does.

It’s not complex, neither confusing. Simple love is exactly what it is and the utmost clarity about it doesn’t make you analyze any of its fundamentals.

Examples of complicated love

I experienced a complex love like this. 

The one that doesn’t give you peace, doesn’t allow you to sleep peacefully or take proper rest. The one that keeps you in the constant emergency state. As if you’re sort of expecting a skeleton may jump out of the closed any minute!

The complicated love is when you know you’re not on the same page with your partner no matter what you do. And trust me, you shouldn’t have to try hard at all to be on the same page with your other-half.

It is when you know you cannot trust them and open up to them fully. You sense they don’t get you, or appreciate you for precisely who you are. And likewise, you know deep down that you don’t completely get them either.

It is when you feel something is just so very off in that relationship. But instead of coming to terms with it and accepting it, you’d gather all your strength and courage to do the impossible — to persuade yourself that you’re wrong. And that all you know and feel is rubbish. That love has to work somehow! Only that you can’t make any emotional bonds work unless they work on their own.

The complicated love is when you’ve done the individual internal work you could, and your partner has done their part, only to find that despite all the efforts, you still seem to be hitting the same wrong chord.

The complicated love is when you look around and all you see everywhere are challenges, pain, frustration, apathy, and your differences. Yet, it’s all sprinkled by tiny pieces of love that give all this agony some shine. And the shine makes you stay, and try some more to make everything into gold — somehow. Only that you don’t have such power. Nobody does.

The complicated love doesn’t have the power to transform itself into a simple love because it’s never been ‘it’ even a little part.

The complicated love makes you feel sad, drained, tired, depressed, desperate and given up on everything, especially the good things, way too often. Way more than is healthy for an average human. 

And that regardless of the stage of the relationship you’re in. Being it only the first month, the first year or a first few years you’ve been together? There’s not more clarity with the passing time. It still feels equally confusing and messy as it did at the beginning. No progress. Regardless of how much you’ve invested in it already — in bettering it, in providing for it, in fixing it.

And there’s no way to fix complicated love because its nature is to be what it is — complicated.  It’s not meant to be fixed.

The challenges and complexities are too overwhelming. Perhaps the levels of overwhelm through frustrations and misunderstandings rise every day or year. Comprehending it is too overwhelming. When I say overwhelming, I actually mean impossible. Because complicated love is impossible to understand easily. It’s complicated in the end!

The complicated love is the love that sends many signals though. It keeps sending them repeatedly until you listen to them. And acknowledge what they mean. The signals come consciously and subconsciously, from your body, mind and soul. They all would have a lot to say about it and all would be saying the same in their own way.

The message is — choose what’s good for yourself. Choose what’s in the flow — easier, healthier, better. Don’t swim against but with the current. Let go of your preconceived ideas about what this love and relationship are meant to be. You see what it is exactly, you’ve always known.

Why to choose a simple love

I’d reword it. 

The question actually is — Why, on Earth, would you choose a complicated love in the first place?

Why would you choose the complicated and messy rather than simple?

Why would you choose it, if it doesn’t choose you?

Because, in most cases, you don’t choose it but it chooses you instead. But once you discover this, then you have your power back to act. And choose again.

It chooses you initially so you can learn through it, grow through it, and overgrow it. So you can understand that there’s another choice.

It happened to me, for instance. I’ve learned a lot through the complicated love — about myself, what I need, want and desire, including the fact that I don’t want such love in my life.

And so, why to choose a simple love then? 

See, that’s not even a question. Because you don’t have to choose it.

There’s no process of deep thinking about the simple love or why to want it.

There’s only knowing and wanting it. There’s certainty.

Yes, the simple love is that simple.

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